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Joke of the Day
"What's a pirates favorite thing to eat? The booty."
Next Joke
"This guy next to me says my cigarette smoke is bothering him. I'm like: Well, it's killing me and I'm not bitching about it."
"[opens jar of olives and pours them in my garden] ""Now grow to be a restaurant"""
"How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? A fish"
"You know what I don't get? Jobs."
"Guy just asked me where a public phone was, I told him 1987."
"Why did the doctor go on a ski trip alone? He was part of doctors without boarders ."
"I bet the worst part about being a birthday cake is when you're set on fire, and then eaten by the hero that saved you."
"My wife used to get so fat that she had to go to the hospital; then a person would fall out of her. That doesn't sound normal."
"I got fucking hammered last night so I made sure I took the bus home It was ok, except for all the passengers screaming at me to stop driving."