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Joke of the Day

"Decades have gone by and STILL my parents have not given back the Halloween candy they took from me ""for safe keeping""."

"A guy walks into a bar... Ow!"

"Me: yeah, I'm not going to make it in today. Boss:of course, this snow is crazy. Me: Snow?"

"Did you know Garfield the cat used to be a hip hop artist? Word is he used to rap with OdieB"

"Why did the sperm cross the road? I accidentally put on the wrong sock this morning."

"Why did North Korea lose Internet? Because they switched to Comcast."

"Everybody is annoying after one hour."

"George Carlin:""Why do laxatives always say 'Works gently, overnight'?"" ""What if I want something that works violently right now?"""

"""I see you have created a tiny human. I, too, have done this."" -me trying to make mom friends. Should I not whisper it? I'll try shouting"

"My girlfriend's father is pretty religious and said we couldn't make love... which is rather disappointing because he's extremely handsome."