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Joke of the Day

"ABC's hit new show ""Dancing With Some Cars"" cancelled after two episodes, 43 deaths and 70 injuries"

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"ME: A bag of my favorite peanuts has gone missing. LIAM NEESON: How did you get this number?"
"What do scientists and vegetables have in common? Stephen Hawking"
"two chromosomes responsible for a divorce Ex and Why"
"Guy told me I have ""Bambi eyes""...is that even a compliment? Oh god, please don't shoot my mother."
"When bae starts to age... She turns beige."
"while out today at a restaurant... my waitress had a black eye. so when i ordered i made sure i talked verrrryyyy slowww obviously she wasnt a good listener."
"When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I'm alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I'm fantastic."
"[job interview] ""So what are your goals for working here?"" To be home by noon..."
"On behalf of black people, I'd like to apologize for Nicki Minaj"
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