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Joke of the Day

"while out today at a restaurant... my waitress had a black eye. so when i ordered i made sure i talked verrrryyyy slowww obviously she wasnt a good listener."

"I like my beer like I like my women... ...anything goes as long as I'm pounding it with a friend."

"What do you call a British circle jerk? A Union Jack."

"What do you call an Irish midget? Whatever their name is, you insensitive jerk."

"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito."

"How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her."

"If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners."

"Did you hear about the comedian terrorist? He was Jihahahadist!"

"Owning a selfie stick is a good way to tell people that you've driven all of your friends away with your narcissism."

"Why is everyone always late to Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation Anonymous meetings? Because they're all tied up, but coming soon."