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Joke of the Day

"I saw Santa Claus having sex with my mom. To get him back, I poisoned his cookies. Some how the bastard found out and killed my dad."

"What do you call a gust of wind full of sand? A rough draft"

"SURPRISE! -Sharts"

"Whenever someone says they did something ""like a boss"" I assume that means they didn't do it at all and are taking credit for it."

"Hush little laptop dont you cry mommas gonna find you another wifi."

"Everybody hates Crocs but the company is worth over $2 billion. Somebody is lying."

"""FOUR MORE YEARS!!! FOUR MORE YEARS!!!..."" - Honey Boo Boo's teachers her senior year of high school"

"There are five frogs staring at me right now but only one can be America's top model."

"The cat puked all over the bath mat so I just tossed it into the trash can. Then I put the bath mat in the washer."

"""Why aren't you wearing a coat?""""Coats are for pussies.""My mother asks too many questions."