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Joke of the Day

"I just said, ""who the hell is calling here at 9 o'clock at night?"" and I died a little on the inside."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? Nothing. They're both on Reddit EVERY FUCKING DAY."

"Sometimes I open my mouth and a dad joke falls out and we both just need to walk away from that and remember better times ok"

"Why is it considered socially wrong to make fun of a crying 10-year old boy in Africa? Because it's normal to undergo a midlife crisis."

"Why did the banker bee go to prison? Embuzzlement! You're damn right"

"*makes Transformer sound effects while I put my makeup on*"

"Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard? A barber."

"One minute without you feels like 60 seconds."

"What celestial body do you give your sweetie on valentines day? An exoplanet."

"Roses are red, violets are blue. If he's busy on Christmas, the side chick is you!"