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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? Nothing. They're both on Reddit EVERY FUCKING DAY."

"What do you say when you walk in on an East Indian woman dressing? Sari!"

"Judge: ""Micky, I can't grant you a divorce from Minnie Mouse, because she is not crazy"" ""I didn't say she was crazy Judge, I said she was fucking Goofy"""

"Why was Dracula always willing to help young vampires? Because he liked to see new blood in the business."

"*cop pulls me over* Have you been drinking? No I- *water bottle now full of wine* *officer lowers shades. its Jesus* No one will believe you"

"What are a priest's favourite symphony... The ones that start with a#(minor)"

"I don't have a friend called Louise. If I did I would always be saying ""Jeez Louise"" to her. Then I wouldn't have a friend called Louise."

"""Good morning please could I have one human ticket to the water park"" Sir are you a shark in disguise? *sharks fake eyebrows slide off*"

"Don't drink and drive, also don't call frozen yogurt ""fro yo."""

"A bikini is an outfit where 90% of a woman's body is exposed. The amazing fact is that men are so decent, they only look at the 10% that isn't."