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Joke of the Day

"Tried having an argument with a Mobius Strip... ...It was pretty one-sided"

"[Taylor Swift on toilet, going #2. Kanye jumps out of her shower] ""Yo, Taylor- I'm really happy for you & I'm-a let you finish, but..."""

"Me: Who will I share the sunset with now?! *sobs* Friend: Bad breakup? Me: No. *wipes tears* My Instagram isn't working."

"There are 3 reasons for ""Liking"" someone's Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I'm liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you."

"""Here taste this "" followed by a 32 minute speech on all the ingredients."

"I was in a band.. called ""Missing Cat"". You might have seen our posters."

"On The Topic Of Relationships Today, a feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships. Apparently ""in HD"" was not the right answer."

"What's colder than ice cream? ISIS"

"Why buy an invisible knife? I don't see the point"

"Why do women make such great plumbers? They like to bring up shit from the past."