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Joke of the Day
"Tried having an argument with a Mobius Strip... ...It was pretty one-sided"
Next Joke
"[first date] *Ok don't let her know you're a vampire* ""Would you like a mint?"" *reaches in pocket, pulls out SPF 5,000,000,000* ""Dammit"""
"What's blonde and intelligent? A golden retriever"
"If you're wearing sunglasses & it's not at all sunny out, you can't get offended when I grab your arm to guide you safely across the street."
"Him: You're pretty obnoxious. You know that? Me: I'm sorry. All I heard was pretty."
"Why dont i watch porn anymore? Because they all suck ass."
"A girl tells a guy that she can't get pregnant... ...turns out that he wasn't lying."
"You can't be a real country unless you have a BEER and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER."
"I make you wet and naked people turn me on. What am I? A shower"
"If you ever see me cleaning out my car in the middle of winter, it's because I have drugs missing."