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Joke of the Day
"Him: You're pretty obnoxious. You know that? Me: I'm sorry. All I heard was pretty."
Next Joke
"When I was 8 yrs old, I walked to school by myself; now you have to hold your kid's hand right up to their first drug deal."
"What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a bottom-dwelling scum sucker. The other is a fish."
"My GF and I would kick ass at the newlywed game. I know 100% of her answers to questions is "" I don't know""."
"Waiting to see who you're sitting next to on an airplane is the original Chatroulette. Now where the hell is the next button?"
"If you think ""Pearl Jam"" Is an oriental sex act, you might be a redneck"
"To quote Balltaire, ""Do not wax there!"""
"Sometimes you have to Photoshop your life Sometimes you have to #Photoshop your life .. Touch up edges Adjust the tones Blur the background n Crop some people out :D"
"What has 1 hand, 3 legs, 6 feet, and 2 heads? The finish line at the Boston Marathon."
"Your LinkedIn says you have a job but your snapchat says otherwise."