186475

Joke of the Day

"The Internet lets the world instantly know my thought but...they can't make a microwave that I can put metal in. Someone isn't trying."

"TIL how to keep an idiot waiting I'll let you know tomorrow."

"Where does one apply to be a ""kept man""?"

"WIFE: How's the ventriloquism going? ME: Not good. WIFE: But I got you that Ventriloquism For Dummies book. ME: I don't think he read it."

"What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef-jerky."

"Muslim women should be our allies... Because they will never suck a cops dick."

"My fiance asked me what I thought about having kids. I told her that I love children, I just can't bear them!"

"There are poor, helpless kids in Africa who really need our help. But there's also kids with machine guns so I'm not going."

"What if... Obama was secretly working for the government?"

"My friend was being attacked by a duck. I tried to warn him but it only made things worse."