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Joke of the Day

"There are poor, helpless kids in Africa who really need our help. But there's also kids with machine guns so I'm not going."

"When I was a child I could go into a shop with just a pound, and come out with 3 bars of chocolate, 2 cans of coke and a magazine. But these days, fucking CCTV everywhere."

"What's Italian Alzheimer's sound like? ""Whoa! fuggodaboutit!"""

"There is simply no need to add ""NSFW"" in your bio. This is twitter. None of us have jobs."

"I'm not Racist Because I'm not raciest because racism is a crime and crimes are for black people."

"WTF fact- pigeons die when they have sex At least the one I fucked did."

"Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends."

"I don't believe in Bigfoot; because he never believed in me. I'd scan the crowd at my ballet recitals, and always see that one empty seat."

"Caitlin Jenner isn't transgender. She's trans-Jenner."

"Did you hear about the baby with the gigantic, record-setting head? The mother called it a crowning achievement."