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Joke of the Day

"Superman is depressed because he has to change in dirty gas station bathrooms since the telephone booth is now extinct. Poor Superman."

"My daughter has an ice skating date with her boyfriend tonight. So I'll be the guy skating behind two 12 year olds carrying a shotgun."

"You'll never believe what this Reddit User did after finding out he clicked on a clickbait article! Curiosity... gets you every time..."

"Q: What's the strongest bird? A: A crane."

"Does anyone want to come over and stare at our phones?"

"*on the phone Him: where are you?! Me: I'm just waiting for the train Him: hurry up Me:...no problem. I'll be waiting faster"

"I like to flush the toilet a few times when I'm on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again"

"[5:30AM] BRAIN: I'll just go to the bathroom, but keep my eyes closed so I don't wake up. BODY: I'll just clip my head on the door frame."

"without a doubt my least favourite thing about being alive is having a body, hate taking care of this hunk of shit"

"Preventing childhood obesity... It's as easy as taking candy from a baby."