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Joke of the Day

"Terrible news. The guy who created AMC cinema's has died. His funeral is next Friday at 2:30, 5:20 and 7:45."

"Do you need a bag? I had just bought a box of condoms when the cashier asked, ""Do you need a bag?"" I replied, ""No, she's not that ugly."""

"I bought my wife a refrigerator for her birthday. I know it's not the best gift in the world, but you should have seen her face light up when she opened it."

"My girlfriend told me its time to shave my pubic area.... She said ""shave but don't go crazy down there"". I told her "" Ok baby I wont go all nuts""."

"I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people But none of them work"

"I want my marriage to be a forever one night stand, laughing and joking, beer drinking, dancing, pizza in bed kinda relationship."

"Got kicked outta Starbucks for trying to order a venti mocha choca latta ya-ya creole lady marmalaaaaaaaaade."

"I don't drink water, unless it's been through a brewery first."

"There will be no screen names left for our children's children."

"Created a Kickstarter for my movie. Hoping to raise enough for a popcorn and soda too."