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Joke of the Day
"Two fish were in a tank... One fish says to the other ""You man the guns, i'll drive"""
Next Joke
"Yes, money cannot buy you happiness but I'd still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike."
"Mugger: ""Hand over your card and give me your PIN number!"" Me: ""My personal identification number number?"" *he stabs me*"
"Every call with my mother starts in one of two ways: 1. WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED? IS EVERYTHING OK? 2. WHY ARE YOU CALLING? IS EVERYTHING OK?"
"[Brings date home] O geez did I leave all my rare, holographic Pokemon cards out on my bed again? Guess we'll just have to lay here & battle"
"Billion dollar idea: Meth with Flouride"
"*lowers head *breaks thru 5 tackles *hurdles lineman *runs 100 yards *hamstrung at goal line *dragged back to line of scrimmage -my wedding"
"[helping my kid with contractions] Me: Would've Her: Would have M: Nice. I'll H: I will M: Good. Won't H: Won not M: Excellent"
"My problem is I don't like working out in front of people or when I'm alone."
"tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again."