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Joke of the Day

"What is matthew mcconaughey' least favorite part of interstellar? ""The girls get older, but he stays the same age"" -first attempt at a original joke (apologies if its a repost that I'm unaware of)"

"Two nuns walk into a bar. The third nun ducks."

"When God made raccoons he was like do you want to be an old timey burglar or a trash digger. Too slow. You're both now."

"after my son won his soccer game, his teammate invited us over to celebrate. it was father, son, and the goalie host"

"Hospitals are so shady nowadays... Even the doctors are drug dealers."

"1. Put on clown shoes. 2. Sit in toilet stall with feet pulled up. 3. Wait for someone to enter other stall. 4. Slowly lower feet to floor"

"""It's five o'clock somewhere"" I say as I leave work at 9am"

"I should post a History joke But you have probably already heard it before."

"What's the best thing about ISIS jokes? ...The execution"

"I am known at the gym as the ""before picture."""