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Joke of the Day
"""It's five o'clock somewhere"" I say as I leave work at 9am"
Next Joke
"My biologist girlfriend was making competent cells at the lab today... I asked if they were very sure of them cells."
"Let's make it weird. Dont worry. I'll start."
"I told my 3 year old that Skittles are Care Bear meat and now I have the bag to myself."
"wife [gives me piece of fruit] Try this me: Tastes like hand sanitizer wife: Did you just use hand sanitizer? me: Yeah wife me wife me: Why?"
"Columbus: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Well Columbus: *just yanks me out of my car and drives off in it*"
"What's the definition of a good actor? Somebody who tries hard to be everybody but himself."
"There are 10 types of people in this world... 1. Those who understand ternary. 2. Those who don't. 10 . Those who expected the binary gag."
"What do you call a woman with egg and sausage on here face? Cafe"
"Why is Yoda afraid of 7? Because 9, 7 8."