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Joke of the Day

"My son didn't understand the concept of a committed relationship, so I told him it's like making a girl your default browser."

"You don't truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine."

"DOG BOSS: ur fired ME: wait, is there any way you'll reconsider? DOG BOSS: no ME: u want to go for a ride in the car DOG BOSS: *tilts head*"

"Time flies when you throw your alarm clock out the window."

"What do you call an octopus that's missing one tentacle? Octopus Prime."

"Funny how the more out-of-shape someone is, the more likely they are to refer to their favorite sports team as ""we."""

"I always keep a water spray bottle next to my bed in case a cat burglar breaks in."

"I applied for a loan from the U.S. Government, but was turned down because I had a legitimate repayment plan"

"How do you make a glow worm happy ? Cut off his tail he'll be de-lighted !"

"Was sagt der groe Stift zum kleinen Stift? Wachsmalstift"