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Joke of the Day

"Part of being a woman means you can break your leg or be having a cardiac arrest & a nurse will still ask when your last period was."

"What's the difference between a women's track team and a bunch of African pygmies? The African pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts. The women's track team are a bunch of running cunts."

"Why's it called getting an abortion... Instead of razing your child?"

"""Say TGIF ONE more time"" I say, scowling at my coworker with no children, ""Go ahead, say it again."""

"Aragorn: If I can protect you, I will. You have my sword Legolas: And you have my bow Gimli: and my axe Steve: and my 439 Twitter followers"

"What do you call a camel with 3 humps? Pregnant"

"What did the spy say at the glass beach? *The coast is clear*"

"What does a pirate's beard feel like? Corsair. (works better in a pirate accent)"

"Q: How do you tell which is the Groom at a Polish wedding? A: He's the one with the CLEAN bowling shirt."

"A Freudian slip? That's where you think one thing but fuck your mother."