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Joke of the Day

"""Let's fly to Russia, get a bucket of water from the Caspian Sea, then put it above the door so it falls on Jeff!"" - Impractical joke"

"and asks for a drink. A time traveller walks into a bar"

"Would you rather...? Would you rather have fucked a goat but nobody knows, or everyone thinks you fucked a goat but you didnt and there's no way to change their mind?"

"What kind of bees make milk? BOO-BEES!"

"Yeah that chicken's free range. I just freed that shit onto my range. Some in the oven too."

"Just overheard a guy say he was buying a MacBook so he doesn't have to worry about the Ebola virus. What."

"How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb? 13, 1 to actually do it and the other 12 talk about how much better they could have done it."

"What did the 0 say to the 8? ... Hey, nice belt.."

"Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep, that's how you wash a cup."

"If I see you wearing those toe shoes, I will call the police and give them your description every time a crime is reported on the news."