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Joke of the Day

"[first date] Her: I like a guy who gets a little nasty Me: [puts hand sanitizer away] I used a gas station bathroom once"

"If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes"

"Q: What happened to the Irishman who tried to kill himself by .swallowing 100 pain killers? A: After two he began to feel better."

"Before i was born, i was given two choices 1. Have a large penis but suffer from memory loss. 2. Have a tiny penis but be very smart and remember everything. I do not remember which option i took."

"Chuck Norris action figures have been banned in the United States and Mexico due to the roundhouse action related to eye loss in children."

"A woman in New York is suing a Manhattan salon for $1.5 million over a bad haircut. The last time I saw a disaster like that with clippers was Donald Sterling."

"How many lead trumpets does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, he just holds the light bulb up, and the world revolves around him."

"A koala walks into a barber shop and hops up into the chair. He points to the excess fur that has grown around his ears and asks the barber, ""Can eucalyptus?"""

"Nothing is certain but death and Adobe Flash Player updates."

"Did someone say ""purple""? Sorry, it must have been a pigment of my imagination!"