184751

Joke of the Day

"I recently gave up smoking. I'm really Indiana Jonesin' for a smoke."

"STOP EDITING YOUR PICS, what if you go missing? How tf can we find you if you look like Beyonce on Instagram but Waka Flocka in real life?"

"I wish Benedict Cumberbatch played Q in 007 Then I could call him Benedict ""Q"" Cumberbatch."

"Of course this is my real personality. Who the hell would fake THIS?"

"Why do I have migraines? Well I can't have yourgraines, now can I?"

"I went to the zoo, which is unfortunately closing due to a lack of visitors, and all that was left to see was... the going out of business snail."

"Raccoons are like hobos, they live outside plus they don't like being shaved while they're eating."

"If the name of your song is not a prominent lyric of the song, I respect you, but I don't have time for you."

"How's the elevator business? It has it's ups and downs."

"Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat."