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Joke of the Day

"STOP EDITING YOUR PICS, what if you go missing? How tf can we find you if you look like Beyonce on Instagram but Waka Flocka in real life?"

"Can't live without your coffee? Tweet about it!"

"My girlfriend told me I was a pedophile I told her, ""that's an awfully big word for a six year old""."

"Every time I hold a baby I have to talk my ovaries down like a hostage negotiator. ""18 to life, man. I KNOW IT SMELLS GOOD! Stay with me."""

"Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All of the fans left Glutes ( )"

"Why are terrorists eco-friendly? They're biodegradable."

"What do women and dog shit have in common? The older they get, the easier they are to pick up"

"I call bullshit, airport baby changing station! I wanted an Asian baby but I'm stuck with the white kid I flew in with."

"Whats the difference between congress and parliament? Ones filled with a bunch of baboons and the other just doesn't give a hoot during the day."

"What do you call a spanish child molester? A pedrophile"