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Joke of the Day

"Apparently speed dating doesn't involve taking amphetamines. UGH. Worst night ever."

"Why do adrenaline junkies enjoy camping? Because it is in tents"

"A quick joke that my friend thought up over dinner Why do sailors marry busty women? To forever see the seven C's"

"grey matter What's grey and comes in quarts? An elephant."

"What do you call children who are born into a Whorehouse? Brothel Sprouts."

"*Rides off into sunset* *forgets mobile* *Rides back*"

"They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well they're not laughing now!"

"I was beating a mouse Then it clicked."

"It's always a shame when people die so young... there's just so many things they'll never get to Chekov their bucket list."

"""Swimming is dangerous, so I wear floaties on my arms for safety!"" [cut to me floating face-down in a pool with only my arms above water]"