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Joke of the Day
"My rock band got a gig at the baseball game. I played first bass."
Next Joke
"I'm rockin the 'Barbie doll' look today. No, I didn't dye my hair blonde. I did 4 pushups and now I can't unbend my arms"
"Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, ""I think I've lost my electron."" The other says, ""Are you sure?"" The first replies, ""Yes, I'm positive..."""
"*texting with my mom* Mom: I miss your handsome face! Me: Aww..thanks, mom! I miss you too! Mom: Sorry. Wrong number."
"Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent. I would have to say it's the kids."
"What does a man say after sex? Nothing, he's happy and content with life."
"I hate those Russian dolls They're so full of themselves."
"Why do baby boomers like fracking so much? Because figuratively breaking the country apart isn't enough."
"Things I haven't seen in a while: 1) the 2yo I'm babysitting today 2) a man 3) my waist-line 4) my imaginary goat, Bill 5) my sanity"
"I want to debate! Someone disagree with me! No."