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Joke of the Day

"*texting with my mom* Mom: I miss your handsome face! Me: Aww..thanks, mom! I miss you too! Mom: Sorry. Wrong number."

"If you are anti-abortion... Are you pro youth-in-asia?"

"Taking a nap until my carbon monoxide detector stops beeping."

"Today I Called Shotgun... And the cop still put me in the backseat..."

"Date *pulls out clipboard* ""Name?"" ""Uh.. Beth."" ""Ok.. Check. Kids?"" ""No"" ""Check. Club Penguin username?"" ""What's that?"" *drops clipboard*"

"What's the difference between a man-whore and Santa Claus? Santa stops after three ""hoes"""

"""Pick a lane! Any lane!"" - I hate commuter magicians."

"Never hold in a fart... they go to your head, and that's where shitty ideas come from."

"Best excuse for missing work The voices told me to clean the guns."

"Pros and Cons of Easter Pro: Eating a chocolate bunny that's hollow inside. Con: Looking in the mirror and realising you're the same."