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Joke of the Day

"I'd brag about my pride... But I'd be lion."

"What's the difference between golfers and skydivers? Golfers: *smack* Shit! Skydivers: Shit! *smack*"

"What do Brussels sprouts and pubic have in common? You push them to the side and keep eating"

"Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse... ...but enough about Kanye West."

"Some people say I have a dark sense of humor. Not as dark as the charred remains of a holocaust victim."

"I had a one-night-stand with a Bernie supporter. I know because I can feel the bern."

"My boss asked me why I'm late, apparently answering ""because your wife wouldn't let me get out of bed"" just gets you sent to HR."

"People that live in glass houses have tons of dead birds on their lawn."

"Why was the accountant constipated? He couldn't budget."

"Exercising Grandmother My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where the hell she is."