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Joke of the Day

"If Hillary wins I'm leaving the country if trump wins I'm leaving the country. Not a political repost I'm just getting deported"

"CIA 'Mistakenly' destroys copy of 6,700-page US torture report A CIA spokesperson commented, ""We meant to destroy the 6,700-page US espionage report"""

"I got new neighbors today, I hope they like my music as much as the last 9 families did."

"When I was a kid, my family was very poor... I remember my dad was cutting Onion and our whole family was crying. Poor Onion. He was such a good dog..."

"Coke Zero Pepsi One Well played Pepsi."

"""It's always Russia somewhere"" I whisper to my 4th shot of morning vodka."

"When someone invites me to their house and I see more than 2 cars parked outside it I keep driving just in case it's an intervention for me"

"Did you hear about the man from the experimental group that was arrested? He was out of control."

"New low: Looking in my purse and seeing my TV remote."

"England can't win anything. Brazil took away their top spot of Most Embarrassing team."