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Joke of the Day

"Im the guy that says ""Is he bothering you?"" when some douche is hitting on you, just so I can hang around and bother you after he goes away."

"Happy March 14th to all the MEN out there.... (not sure what it is?? GOOGLE IT)"

"Relax lady, you can quit giving me dirty looks. I don't want my own husband, so I sure as hell don't want yours."

"My pot accidentally got mixed in with my pasta noodles. Ended up with baked ziti."

"It's not herpes I burned my lip on a hot sausage."

"Who the hell allowed me to be born in this stupid head?' a Thought said and killed herself..."

"Hello, police, I have a burglar trapped in my home gym. Please hurry. The longer he's in there the more powerful he'll become."

"The pessimist in me says 'the glass is half empty'... The optimist in me says 'at least it's whiskey'."

"I wish I gave Darth Vader different last words. Before he died, I wanted him to mutter, ""I should have stuck to pod racing."""

"What did the sophisticated cow say in response to another cow's joke? ""That was very amoosing"""