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Joke of the Day

"Relax lady, you can quit giving me dirty looks. I don't want my own husband, so I sure as hell don't want yours."

"What do you call a teacher who doesn't flatulate in public. A private tutor. -Credits to my cousin ;)"

"I'm surprised that the UK left the EU by voting. Most of the time they leave on penalty kicks."

"Don't forget to tell everyone how you love Fridays because we were all wondering how you feel about them."

"I was on the bus with my gf and this smoking hot Thai chick sat next to me. I thought ""don't get a boner, don't get a boner."" But she did."

"Do they make those harmonica holders but for sandwiches?"

"I inherited an Epipen My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it."

"I'm thinking of something really stupid to tweet -all of us all the time"

"My new neighbor's super hot but I haven't tried to take her out yet... When I checked the oven, she wasn't quite done."

"r/jokes is like a guy with short term memory loss. No matter how many times you tell him the same joke, he'll still laugh like he's hearing it for the first time."