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Joke of the Day

"It's not herpes I burned my lip on a hot sausage."

"*At The Opera* Her: Where are you going? Me: I have to go to the Men's Room. Her: I have the car keys. Me: Shit!"

"Why are life long overweight people funny? Growing up they hear the best jokes."

"(in a rowboat with 6 starving people) ""I think you mean ""WHOM should we eat first"""

"I like my women like I like my vegetables: healthy and steaming hot..No, wait. I mean unconscious and lacking any cognitive function."

"What is the Cuban national anthem? ''Row Your Boat!''"

"If you are what you eat... I can see why some men are assholes and some women are dicks."

"A small part of me is filled with self-loathing for how much pizza I can eat in one sitting. The rest of me is filled with pizza."

"*Runs a bath Me: ok, jump in 3: it's too hot *Adds cold water Me: Ok, get in 3: it's too cold Apparently I gave birth to Goldilocks."

"What happened to the fly that sat on the toilet seat? He got pissed off."