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Joke of the Day

"What did the mayonnaise say to the man opening the fridge door? ""Don't look. I'm dressing."""

"interviewer: what can u bring to the firm me: [places a tiny cactus on desk & smiles] interviewer: I meant like clients me: [removes cactus]"

"I accidentally bought regular Cheerios instead of Honey Nut and now my breakfast tastes like I'm attending a party sober."

"What did the werewolf say when he got shot with a silver bullet? Oooooooowwwwwwwwwwoooooooooooo. He howled while saying ow pretty much"

"[Dinner date] I'm a T-shirt and jeans kind of girl, so I guess I'm kinda a momgirl ""You mean tomgirl?"" Don't talk with your mouth full."

"She called and said she didn't have anywhere else to go, so I agreed with her."

"Did you see the new clock porno? It's about fucking time."

"What do the mafia and a pussy have in common? One slip of tongue, and you're in deep shit."

"I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone."

"My friend has OCD and says he doesn't like white girls. Maybe because they can't even"