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Joke of the Day

"For the record ladies, your insecurities about your bodies is a bigger turn off to guys than your bodies ever could be."

"What's the difference between a fedora clad Brony and an egg? The egg gets laid!"

"Past employers have described me as ""selfish, egotistic, condescending, the physical manifestation of capitalism, and a true sweetheart."""

"3yo: I don't want a walk Me: Come on, it'll be fun braving the elements [An hour later] 3yo: *Very disappointed* Where are the elephants?"

"What happened to the egg and his girlfriend? They broke up."

"%3. Ask Questions. 4. Use the face."

"You know what's wrong with baptism? They don't hold them under long enough."

"Close your eyes. Now imagine a peaceful meadow. That meadow represents your betrayal. I told you to close your eyes, but you kept reading."

"An economist was given the choice between participating in a marathon and just a quick race. He preferred the long run over the short run."

"A Funeral Director isn't the best position in this economy... It's a dying trade"