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Joke of the Day

"Beauty and the Beast is an introvert's worst nightmare. You stay home alone miles from people and then the damn dishes start talking to you."

"A woman marries a man..... A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does."

"How does any girl have less than 90 thousand Instagram followers?"

"I'm off work next week so I'm gonna throw this knife at a map, where it lands I go. *throws knife, misses map.* Space, I'm going to space"

"What do you call a stolen Tesla? An Edison"

"My daughter keeps rubbing lemon skin all over herself. I think she's pozest."

"How do you keep someone curious? I'll tell you on my next post"

"Suicide Bomber Training: ""Pay attention because I'm only going to show you this once..."""

"Doc: You have gallstones Me: Ugh. Doc: You can control it with diet. Me: Great! Doc: No chocolate, cheese, fried foods... Me: Take it out."

"What's a dick's favorite song? You're so vein."