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Joke of the Day

"Doc: You have gallstones Me: Ugh. Doc: You can control it with diet. Me: Great! Doc: No chocolate, cheese, fried foods... Me: Take it out."

"Three tampons are walking down the street.. A light, a regular, and a super tampon are all walking down the street. Which one talks to you first? None. They are all stuck up bitches."

"The guy behind the counter asked me what I wanted on my sub and I said a collar and restraints and now I'm not allowed in Subway."

"I can't stop traveling to Southern Spain. It's all so Moorish."

"First woman on Moon: -Huston, we have a problem? What? -Never mind What's the problem? -Nothing Please tell us? -You know what's the problem"

"Q: What did the thermometer say to the other thermometer? A: You make my temperature rise."

"What's the easiest way to perform an exorcism? You beat the hell out of them"

"You Are What Your Eat I used to love the candy Nerds, but I stopped eating them when I realized that for me, it was basically cannibalism."

"[goes back in time to murder baby Hitler] wow long line of people here to kill him [goes back to murder myself] how is this line even longer"

"I'm single for so long My last girlfriend dumped me on MSN."