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Joke of the Day

"If you ever feel useless... Remember there is a someone in the BMW factory installing turn signals."

"Carmen Sandiego is probably in San Diego"

"Teacher One day our country will be corruption Free tells which tense is it? Student .Tense Impossible"

"I thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I'm in NJ"

"wife [gives me piece of fruit] Try this me: Tastes like hand sanitizer wife: Did you just use hand sanitizer? me: Yeah wife me wife me: Why?"

"The Kodak Film company filed for bankruptcy.. More details to come as the story develops"

"Your eyes say ""No, no!"" but your ball gag says...""Mmmph! Mmmph!"" Whatever, you have a boner so that's really all the affirmation I need."

"It's not love until you don't want them to have a good time without you."

"The dinosaurs died for our sins."

"Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won't notice... Call her fat once and she will never forget. That's because elephants never forget."