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Joke of the Day

"wife [gives me piece of fruit] Try this me: Tastes like hand sanitizer wife: Did you just use hand sanitizer? me: Yeah wife me wife me: Why?"

"What kind of trophy do I get every time I lift weights? Hypertrophy!"

"Waiter on ocean liner: Would you like the menu sir? Monster: No thanks just bring me the passenger list."

"Who said losing weight was difficult? ""Hello Blood Center? How much longer before I can donate another pint?"""

"a lion stalks a fawn a man steps out from behind tree I'm Chris Hansen from NBCs to catch a predator, do u know how old that deer is?"

"I had a friend in a wheelchair but i had to let him go Now hes going downhill fast"

"A man is going to sleep, when his wife decides to surprise him with a blowjob"

"Why is the customer service at the Reddit Restaurant so terrible? Because all of the servers are busy."

"PWND! FIRST!!"

"Did you hear about the oompah loompah marathon? Contestants are running short."