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Joke of the Day

"I thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I'm in NJ"

"Parallel lines have so much in common... It's a shame they'll never meet"

"Before my grandma kicked the bucket, he said one thing to me ""How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"""

"Having sex is like multiplying numbers together If they're under 13, just do them in your head."

"Why did the poor art collector only buy miniature paintings? He wanted more Monet in his wallet."

"After progressively lifting heavier weights, I was finally able to squat 600 pounds. Unfortunately, all that money still weighs less than a kilo."

"My girlfriend and I decided we aren't ready for a baby yet, so I double-bagged it. It worked; babies cannot breath through two layers of plastic shopping bag."

"""I'm still a virgin"" -theres plenty of fish in the sea ""Ur right. I'll find someone"" -no, I mean u should give up & be a lonely fisherman"

"I painted my computer black... in hopes it would run faster"

"Boston walloped with snow again. If you think traffic is bad here... think about how bad it must be in Seattle with all those bandwagons falling over."