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Joke of the Day

"Every good story starts with a strong female character. You know, some heroin."

"Why did the lesbian go to Sports Authority? because she didn't like dicks."

"How to get the attention of a crew of bricklayers... Yell ""Eh, Tony!"""

"There was a fire in the aromatherapy candle factory. Things are much calmer now."

"I hate when I mean to type 'porn links' but I type 'pork links' and then suddenly I'm horny AND hungry."

"Why do birds fly south for the winter? because its too far to walk!"

"Today I saw two little kids fighting. As the only adult nearby, I had to step in. Those kids didn't stand a chance."

"Definition of anxiety: half of the time you're worried about the other half of the time."

"The world would be a better place if we all stuck together. But it would be harder to go to the bathroom."

"When I have to put on one of those thick leather weightlifter belts to take a shit, I know it's time to eat a vegetable."