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Joke of the Day

"I want to just be a couch potato tonight, but I'm too lazy to get on my couch. So I'm a floor potato."

"I just found out my father's sister doesn't like Jewish people. Its hard to believe I have a relative who is auntie semitic."

"Considering the yr Jesus is said to have been born, I question those who give him the wheel or make him their copilot."

"My Doctor Told Me I'd Have To Stop Masturbating . . . I'm like, ""What? I thought it was OK!"" He goes, ""Yeah, sure, but I'm trying to examine you!"""

"What did one bag of shit say to the other bag of shit? ""Ugh, stop standing so colostomy."""

"Mother: Jared get your little sister's hat out of that puddle. Jared: I can't mum she's got it strapped too tight under her chin!"

"What do you do with an epileptic in a bathtub? Laundry."

"If a Republican candidate who is hated by the GOP establishment and loathed by half the country just won the election... ...maybe Hillary should consider running as a Republican!"

"Skunks are just mean cats with asshole powers. Get it?"

"Why do trash pandas always get into a fight? They trash talk."