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Joke of the Day

"Why do trash pandas always get into a fight? They trash talk."

"Did you hear about the pirate who used to walk the plank every night? Well, he couldn't afford a dog."

"Will you date me? breathe if yes, swim across the atlantic ocean while reciting the bible in japanese if no"

"Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb shit."

"If I was a cop, I would write the word 'Influence' on a bridge, and pull over anyone that drives under it."

"There are two kinds of people in the world Those that can extrapolate from missing information"

"If you feed me & have the heat on high, I will fall asleep on you. So to have a much more interesting date with me keep me hungry and cold"

"5: Can you cut off the skin? Me: What? 5: *holds up sandwich* the skin M: The crust? 5: yeah M: No, and you sound like a serial killer."

"If I'm ever dangling off a cliff and your hands are full of mikes hard lemonades you better give me one so i can be refreshed on my way down"

"Maternity. Sounds like you're going to be pregnant forever."