137010

Joke of the Day

"Mother: Jared get your little sister's hat out of that puddle. Jared: I can't mum she's got it strapped too tight under her chin!"

"BREAKING NEWS: Due to the horrible conditions at Sochi, the Olympics have been moved to a much safer place.. Chernobyl."

"[WOLF CUB] Dad, why do we howl at the moon? [WOLF DAD] Well son, the moon is made of cheese and that's rad as hell"

"What do you call an unsuccessful Jewish pirate? Les Goldman"

"What do you get if you turn an evil laugh backwards? A laughing cow. Ahahahahahahahamoo."

"Scott. Scott goes to a party Scott knocks on the door Scott is greeted by more popular kids Scott is excluded from the party Scott no friends"

"I want to die in my sleep like my grandad Not screaming and crying like his passengers."

"I will let you borrow any movie from my Pixar collection, except one. I'm never gonna give you Up."

"[Programmer Joke] Why did the int drown? Because he couldn't float! (Insert laughter here)"

"Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic"