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Joke of the Day

"Here's a quick joke for all you telepathic people out there."

"Do you know who wants some good D? no, who? Football fans."

"What country is the most fragile? China!"

"Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but I hear the reception was excellent."

"Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You'd think SOMEONE could've let me know I was out of toilet paper."

"I've won the war! My pants fit! **Congratulations, have you lost weight?** _Even better... I've bought new pants!!!_"

"Daycare lady: *notices 3-year-old's shirt is on backward* It's cute how you let her dress herself. Me: Yes. She did that."

"You can't teach an old dog new tricks. You can't teach a cat anything, ever."

"Where do you find a no-legged dog? Right where you left it."

"Your Mum's so Mean she doesn't even have a standard deviation."