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Joke of the Day

"Do you know who wants some good D? no, who? Football fans."

"Lonely Second Graders What do you call a second grader with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor"

"How can you lift an elephant with one hand? A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand."

"yea whataver ... i have a gf shes uhhh *looks around* imported. i mean foreign. yea shes a Modelo too. no i said model. a very especial girl"

"Why is my dog better than my girlfriend? I can throw her food on the floor, call her a bitch and she'll still play with my balls."

"THE HORROR! *splat THE TRAGEDY! *splat IT'S AWFUL! *splat SO MUCH BLOOD! *splat WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! *splat -It's raining men."

"911: What's your emergency? Me: Are you guys hiring? 911: This is an emergency line. Me: No shit. Why do you think I'm calling?"

"A dentist friend of mine had a T-shirt which said on the front: Let me put my tool in your mouth... and on the back: ...and I will fill your cavity."

"why don't blondes make good cowgirls? they can't keep their calves together"

"A dyslexic man walks into a bra"