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Joke of the Day

"Knock, Knock. > Who's there? > The secret of Comedy. > The secret of Co.. > (interrupting) TIMING!"

"What do you call someone that goes down on both genders? Bilingual."

"I got arrested for following my dream. The owner of that Ferrari thought I was a hitman shading him."

"People complain when my baby is crying and then they complain when I stuff her in the overhead bin, MAKE UP YOUR GD MINDS"

"No need to fight over me, ladies. I'm perfectly capable of disappointing all of you sexually."

"I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!"

"I mean, really though, who hasn't seen a UFO at this point?"

"Q: What did one ocean say to the other ocean? A: Nothing, they just waved."

"The ancient Egyptians had strict burial requirements which may or may not have included being dug up & displayed in a museum years later."

"Just dropped a book on my head guess I am only to blame my shelf"