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Joke of the Day

"No need to fight over me, ladies. I'm perfectly capable of disappointing all of you sexually."

"Why should you leery of stairs? Because they are always up to something."

"What is trees' preferred drug? Water. It helps them get high."

"I bought a dog so I wouldn't feel creepy picking up poop off the sidewalk"

"Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego."

"Nothing in the history of the English language has backfired more than the phrase ""calm down."""

"I fucked this retarded chick last night I wanted my first time to be special"

"Lance Armstrong should be applauded for being able to ride a bike so well on drugs. I tried it once. Hit a dog and fell into the canal."

"Hey guys remember to visit Russia Before they visit you."

"The main reason I'm single is because every woman I date tries to hoard the red skittles & I'm not cool with that shit."