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Joke of the Day

"me: wanna see my cat's shed? friend: lots of cats shed. why would-- [my cat enters wearing a tool belt] cat: show him the gazebo, too"

"What do you say when you leave the UAE? Dubai-bye!"

"""Hey Russell, You Want to Win Another Super Bowl?"" Wilson: ""Nah, I'll pass."" Just saw this on Facebook."

"Still waiting for what didn't kill me to make me strong."

"Why was the horseman fired from his job of saddle testing? He was always standing up on the job!"

"no dude, if i wash my hands BEFORE going to the bathroom then they won't get my genitals dirty and i won't have to wash my hands after. duh"

"There's a huge party at the orphanage tonight Their parents are gone."

"When I die I want the people I did group work with to lower me into my grave So they can let me down one last time"

"Why is China so politically in bed with Africa? Because China is the biggest coal burner in the world"

"I hired a prostitute to indulge my food fetish. She said that for $500 we could spend the night licking food off each other's bodies, although if I wanted guacamole it was $1.80 extra."