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Joke of the Day

"No one, NO ONE, hates their life more than the dude driving a minivan with the stick figure family decals on the back window."

"Knock Knock Knock!! Who's there? The Mandela Effect."

"When Hugh Hefner dies I don't think people will say he's in a better place."

"[dinner party] mario: what's in this risotto? me: mushroom, you're not allergic? mario: *grows to like 20 feet*"

"This yogurt is so cultured, I can only eat it when I'm listening to Beethoven."

"1) Put on chicken costume 2) Go to store to pick up eggs 3) Run up to store manager and emotionally scream ""WHO DID THIS TO MY CHILDREN????"""

"Why is golf better than sex? It lasts for hours and there's 18 different holes."

"What's a good treatment for insomnia? Bill Cosby"

"What's the worst part about being a beaver? It's a lot of dam work."

"Apparently the USA is the biggest contributor to noise pollution in the world My solution: put a silencer in every school"