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Joke of the Day

"I like to sit on my hand AFTER i jerk off... ..makes me feel like someone else is making me a sandwich."

"after decades of advertising, all we want is to feel authentic desire"

"Her text: I'm tanning. Call you when I'm done. My thoughts: SHE'S NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED"

"What is a Ghosts' favorite type of party? A BOOkake party!"

"[High school reunion] Hey guys! Remember me!? ""No"" How about now? *puts an entire toilet on my head* (in unison) CHRIS!"

"So I'm in Ikea.... ...and I ask the salesperson, ""Is this a finished desk?"" and she says, ""No, it's Swedish."" (edited to make more better)"

"""I can't believe we're selling this house. So many memories. Man, if walls could talk..."" WALL: ""I saw you vacuum up your kid's hamster."""

"I think the doctors told me my blood type was A... but I'm not positive."

"This woman asked me if I had ever been in a stable relationship. I told her that I wasn't into livestock."

"Friends and lovers may come and go but allergies are forever."