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Joke of the Day

"[High school reunion] Hey guys! Remember me!? ""No"" How about now? *puts an entire toilet on my head* (in unison) CHRIS!"

"If 'we are what we eat'! Then I'm a huge dick you guys. I'm really sorry"

"Did you hear about the new ""morning after"" pill for men? It changes your blood type."

"What kind of dog does Sauron have? A La-Barad-dur"

"How do you keep redditors in suspense? I dunno, I'll tell ya tomorrow"

"Oprah lost a fortune in the stock market. Don't worry, she gained it all back."

"I got called ""vein"" and I'm just like, k not the most vital component of the circulatory system but still essential so thank you"

"What do you call a girl with one leg. Eileen."

"Why does a priest never get married? Because they got nun to love them"

"Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks."