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Joke of the Day

"On her deathbed my wife said, ""Sweety, I will see you in Heaven."" Since then I have kicked a puppy, stole from 4 shops and set fire to an orphanage.!"

"What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant? Dead ant. Dead ant. Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead annnnnnnnttt."

"What is the difference between a hooker and an onion? I don't cry when I chop the hooker up."

"Who cooks in a lesbian relationship? No one, they both eat out."

"I recently asked a serial-killer/serial-rapist/psychopath what she's doing. She replied, ""Good."""

"Did you hear that Zsa Zsa Gabor was suing the doctor who amputated her leg? ...The Judge threw out the case because she didn't have a leg to stand on."

"""So kids, I was married to your mom & I met this girl on Twitter, we started DMing and one thing led to another"" -How I Met Your Stepmother"

"Im probably the best ever at being humble."

"Toilet humor Why was the toilet scared? Because shit was about to go down!"

"Today is the first New Moon after Jan 21sr. Happy New Year to Chinese people and all who choose to be Chinese for a day."